Look, not to snitch on our parents, but they absolutely let us watch stuff we had no business watching. The 80s and 90s were the era of the PG movie that secretly wanted to be PG-13 and the PG-13 movie that was like, “hey kid, here’s a crash course in puberty.” And we sat there on the carpet, eating SpaghettiOs, pretending we understood the plot.
This post is for everyone who learned about flirting from people roller-skating in crop tops and everyone who saw one scene in a VHS and went, “...I think I like girls/guys/whatever that was.”
Why were they like this?
Because 80s/90s studio logic was: “We need parents to rent it, kids to watch it, and teenagers to think it’s hot.” So you got movies that were basically family films… with beach montages. Comedy… with locker room scenes. Action… with “oops, I dropped my towel.” It was chaos. We are grateful.
The 5 flavors of accidental horniness
- The “summer’s hot so we’re hot” movie: Everybody’s at a pool, nobody’s wearing enough clothes, there’s a water balloon fight for no plot reason.
- The “sports but sexy” movie: Cheerleaders, aerobics, volleyball on the beach. Thank you, cinematographers.
- The “just a little lingerie” gag: Main character walks in on someone changing, APOLOGIES ALL AROUND, audience awakened.
- The “music video inside the movie” moment: They cut to a song, someone slow-mo walks, fog machine goes off — totally unnecessary, completely essential.
- The “teen comedy with grown-up jokes” script: We laughed because the adults laughed. We didn’t get it. Now we do. 🫠
TV edits vs VHS: a story of betrayal
You’d watch a movie on cable and it was fine. Then you’d rent the VHS and suddenly there’s a whole scene your childhood was not emotionally insured for. “Mom… this wasn’t on TBS.” “Yeah, because TBS didn’t want a hundred calls from church ladies, now hush and finish your Totino’s.”
Why it was still wholesome
Because under all that sideboob and saxophone, 80s/90s movies were about friend groups, underdogs, and winning the big thing. You still saved the camp, you still beat the rival dojo, you still got the band back together. You just also saw someone in a leotard on the way there.
Modern movies don’t get it
Today it’s either sanitized to death or full-throttle spicy. The 80s/90s sweet spot was “oh this is a teen sports comedy… why is there a Jacuzzi?” That weird middle is our favorite lane, and it’s the lane we design for — nostalgic, a little wrong, but all in good fun.
